So you’ve been together with your partner for a while, things are settled, maybe you’re married, or you’ve just moved house – things like that which indicate that the relationship has got a notch more secure. Because people often see security as a precursor to starting a family. That’s not always the case, but it’s a usual sign. Have you perhaps been discussing the whole baby thing with your partner and you feel ready to take the plunge but there are doubts? Or is this a brand new idea – exciting but also terrifying! Or maybe you’re just majorly broody and can’t ignore your body’s ticking clock, although this is far less of a problem than it used to be with the advent of fertility treatments. These used to be far too expensive for most people and with a relatively low success rate. Happily, the prices have dropped since the technology has become more widely used and the treatment is available globally.
If you’ve got babies on the brain and you think you’re ready to start making them, how do you make sure? How do you get a definitive answer about whether you’re ready? If you’re not totally sure, then keep an eye on those condom supplies! It’s a great thing that you can buy in bulk, hey?
- 1.First of all, ‘ready’ isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing, it’s not the same destination for everyone. Being baby-ready looks different for different people. Just because your best friend ditched the pill the moment she stepped foot out of the church doesn’t mean that you should automatically follow suit. Look at your own circumstances to make your own decision and don’t be influenced by others.
- 2.Do you have the security you need to bring up a child? You don’t have to have been married for ten years, or own a five bedroom detached house, or even have a partner, but you do need a stable home and stable income and people around you for support. It’s all very well thinking you can go ahead and do this on your own but the reality could look very different. Having that stable home will give you the comfort and security you need to be able to raise your child confidently and happily. Having to sofa-surf for periods of time with a baby is a certain type of hell.
- 3.On the same note, do your sums. Having a baby is not cheap so look at your finances to see how they stand and whether you’ll be entitled to any state benefits. Things to take into account include:
- -Buying all of the equipment you’ll need. You might be able to get hand-me-downs for some, or find things cheap/free on the internet, or go to second hand sales, but some stuff needs to be bought new. A car seat, for example, buying that second hand or using someone else’s is a no-no because you can’t be sure that’s never been damaged. Likewise, things like cot mattresses, those need to be brand new as well.
- -Being able to afford the maternity leave you want. If you want to spend a year at home with your baby then you have to be able to afford to do so. It can be incredibly upsetting to leave your baby sooner than you want to just because you don’t have the funds to do otherwise.
- -Education. If you’re planning to educate your child privately, then looking ahead to school fees is essential. Most Prep schools will have fees of around £15,000 a year and Senior schools often go higher to £30,000 per year and more if they board. If private education is something that you’re very set on, then planning is key.
- 4.Have you achieved what you want to? If you have ambitions to become a top City lawyer but you’re only halfway through your Law degree, then now might not be the time to start thinking about children. Get the big things out of the way first and make life easier for yourself, babies are all-consuming. Also consider the maternity package you’ll be entitled to, if there is one. How long you’ve been working for a company makes a big difference in the benefits you’ll get. It might seem a bit mercenary, and no, you don’t have to have millions in the bank to put your legs into the air after sex, but it’s always going to be better to have nine months of your leave on full pay than much fewer weeks on just statutory maternity pay.
- 5.Childcare. This can be a nightmare for some people. Having good childcare in place if you need to return to work is essential. You need somewhere that’s reliable and where your child will be happy. This might be a private nursery, a childminder, a babysitter or your parents – whichever it is you need to make sure that’s firmly in place, because not having any reliable care means that you can’t work. And no work equals no income, which can very quickly become a real nightmare.
With all of that said, there’s never going to be a ‘perfect’ time to have a baby. There will always be something you’re worried about, or something that’s going to make it difficult, but if having children is definitely what you want, then as long as you’ve got the basics covered, then go for it! And if you leave it too long then time might not be on your side any more and fertility treatment is expensive. Get yourself settled and sorted and then it may well be time to ditch those condoms!
