Dreaming The Dream

Dreaming The Dream

We’ve all heard of the phrase: ‘living the dream’. It usually involves having something that wasn’t possible before. Might be a big house, might be your ideal job, might be horse riding lessons, might just be achieving something that you’ve worked hard for. But why should living our best lives be solely confined to being awake? Why not populate your sleep with ‘dreaming the dream’? Obviously we can’t actually choose what we dream about (although some people could give it a bloody good go!), but we can embrace what comes into our sleeping minds – and when it comes to sex, there could be a reason as to why those erotic thoughts are filtering through your head. So, let’s have a look at some of the most common sexual dreams and what they might mean.

  • 1.Straightforward, nothing exciting, plain old sex. It might be with someone you’ve met, or some kind of celebrity, it’s usually just the erotic feeling that you have, achieving orgasm through your sleep is a difficult thing (unless you’re a teenage boy). Basically, if you’re dreaming about just that feeling of attraction then you’re probably not having enough sex, if any at all. Sex drives vary from person to person and there’s no ‘normal’ that exists, so you might be feeling horny after a couple of days without, or it might take a couple of weeks. Who knows? If it’s a recurring dream, then you might want to explore your available options…….(always with safe sex on your mind though!)
  • 2.That you’re flirting with someone you want to sleep with. The idea behind dreaming this dream is to find out who your brain is lusting after. Celebrities – good. Your boyfriend’s best mate – bad. And there’s a whole spectrum in between! Don’t feel guilty for wanting to sleep with your boss, just take it as sign that your brain is working through this feeling without you even being aware that you’re doing.
  • 3.Bringing on the bondage. This sexual dream can indicate that you feel frustrated with your sex life. The bondage element shows that you feel pinioned into a corner and that you badly want to shake things up a bit. Our brain rarely provides us with an exact solution to the problem, but it does give us food for thought. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, then why not take matters into your own hands and suggest some new innovations in the bedroom.
  • 4.Having sex in public. Well hello you exhibitionist! There’s nothing wrong with that by the way, but it might have come as something of a shock to you if that thought has never crossed your mind before. This one shows that you’re looking for something extra in your sex life, your brain is telling you to get out there to hunt and gather a sexual partner. Bit tricky if you’re married, or in a long term relationship, but listen to your mind and analyse what it wants – and what it can have, some options might be an absolute no-go zone.
  • 5.Being sexually aroused, but your dream reveals that you never feel satiated. You’re being teased, basically. Led down an erotic path that your brain has created for you with no satisfying ending. What does this say about you and your sex life? That you have something in mind that you’d like to try out between the sheets. Maybe it’s been a fantasy before, or maybe you and your partner are already planning it, whichever way your mind is telling you to hurry up and get on with it!
  • 6.Being rejected sexually. This is more of a sad dream, but quite common if you’re feeling insecure for whatever reason, not necessarily sexual in real life, but your brain has translated that to being refused sex in your dream. There might also be an element of surprise here, it’s entirely possible that you haven’t consciously realised this about yourself before. Time to examine your life and work out what makes you happy and what does not.
  • 7.Having sex with multiple people at the same time. This dream indicates that you’re very satisfied with your love life and you don’t care who knows it! It doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s an open invitation to anyone else to your bedroom (though there might be one), it’s more about being comfortable in your own skin and your dream reflecting that. This is a nice, positive dream to have, so don’t worry that you’re secretly after an orgy, that is not what this is about at all.

It’s easy to get confused by dreams and what they mean in real life. Sometimes there’s a connection and sometimes it’s totally random. What is for sure though, is having fun unpicking the details and looking for the bits of your life that they might possibly belong to!  

Stuart Brown
Doctor of Sexual Health at the NHS Royal London Hospital & Relationship Expert. Columnist at An advocate of safe sex. Avid Arsenal fan.

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