Improving Your Relationship Through Sensations

Improving Your Relationship Through Sensations

No, this isn’t an advert for some new product that’s arrived on the sex scene, we mean ‘sensations’ in the very literal sense. How could that even work, you might ask? Well, it’s more effective at making couples closer than you might have thought, and the beauty of it is that it’s very easy – and very cheap! You can add in extras if you like, but you only need the basics (your bodies) to get started.

Everyday life for most people carries some sort of strain, whether it’s stress over jobs or children, or issues with your commute to work, or being late delivering a project because someone hasn’t got back to you – these things can build up and before you know it, being stressed is something you’ve incorporated unseeingly into your everyday life. So, take a step back for a minute, remind yourself that there are very few things in life that actually matter and worrying about the small stuff constantly isn’t a productive – or healthy – way to live. Forgetting to relax is a more common problem than you think. Does this sound like you? If so, and if the usual tips to have a warm bath/read a good book/devour a bottle of wine are falling on jaded ears, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised to hear that simply spending time with your partner is a great way to unwind and leave stresses and woes behind.

Sharing pleasure with your partner is a very intimate thing and it deepens the bond between you. It doesn’t have to be swinging from the chandeliers, even a simple thing like a body massage is enough to tip the chilling out balance. A sensual massage is just the ticket if you’re feeling a bit rough round the edges, think how many people pay to have a professional massage done as part of their weekly schedule? Wouldn’t it be great to introduce that habit to your private bedroom/bathroom/balcony? If this sounds like it might be a good idea for you, if you’re fresh from the office (home or otherwise), or you’ve had a particularly demanding day with your offspring and you’re feeling the strain, then take a little time to think about how you can maximise this experience. The success could be in the detail.

  • Set the stage. Transform your everyday bedroom into a boudoir of love, or a simple romantic space. Fresh bedding (highest thread count you have) is always a pleasant thing, keep your lights dimmed or you could even find some thin fabric to drape over lamps – once you’ve assessed the fire risk. Anything that suggests a seductively, sensual experience should be employed. Think fragrant candles, a bed free of clothes/possessions, low music, your aim here is to create pleasure by stimulating the senses. Bring differently textured throws and cushions in, choose a super slinky bedroom outfit – nothing explicit, just something out of the norm that your partner might like.
  • Gather any accoutrements you might fancy. A new, decent quality massage gel for example. Or some oils or lotions, choose the scents you most like and indulge them.
  • Set up a playlist. Doing this saves you soooo much time and once you hit play that’s it, no fiddling around trying to skip the hip hop before it ruins your calm, romantic atmosphere. Oh, and make it a long one. You never know…..
  • Message your partner during the day to tell/remind him of your sensual plans and after that you can get the flirty messages going. Make it clear that this isn’t a full on sex session though, this is all about understanding and appreciating each other’s bodies through gentle touch.
  • Go into this with a clear head and calm mind. Don’t have any objectives to aim for, don’t have an end in sight that you feel that you need to get to, just chill, sit back and enjoy what happens.
  • If you’re a massage aficionado and know what you like, it might be worth giving your partner some pointers before you get going. They won’t need a written list and directions, just a few subtle hints about what, where and when.
  • Dress for the occasion - but don’t dress up. The whole point of renewing this deep bond with your partner is that your bodies touch one another’s. It can be fun to take the initiative and pick out some sexy lingerie, but this isn’t the time for it. If you have a burning desire to be wearing something a little risqué, then restrict yourself to a slinky, satin-y slip or pyjamas; something that drapes off your curves and makes suggestions about what’s underneath rather than highlighting them in technicolour.

It’s understandable that massaging each other might seem like a dip in the ocean of intimacy between you, but it does more good than you might realise. Unlike sex, it isn’t about chasing the main goal, it’s about slowing right down and putting the attention where you don’t know that you need it. And if it turns into something more erotically based, that’s all well and good, just don’t forget why you started in the first place.

Stuart Brown
Doctor of Sexual Health at the NHS Royal London Hospital & Relationship Expert. Columnist at An advocate of safe sex. Avid Arsenal fan.

Follow Stuart on Twitter

Leave a Reply