6 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex

6 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex

It seems like a lot of the problems in the world could be solved if men and women could find a way to communicate more effectively. Sex is one area that is often fraught with misunderstandings. In fact, it’s probably the biggest source of misunderstandings between men and women.

When it comes to sex, men aren’t as straigthforward as they would have you believe. Since compromise is one of the core foundations of most relationships, here are 6 of the most important things men want women to know about sex.

Feedback is encouraged

Men are typically more vocal in the bedroom, and they wish women were too. The idea that men are so confident in the bedroom that they don’t require any feedback is just absurd. Men are just as self conscious as women. Feedback and praise is encouraged both inside and outside of the bedroom.

In fact, sparking up a conversation about what is going on in the bedroom while outside of the bedroom can be hugely beneficial. It gives both parties a chance to raise their concerns and get some much needed reassurance in a low pressure situation. If you have the capacity to feel self conscious about things, then to have to be able to recognise this in other people.

And when it comes to being vocal, this is something that men wish more women would do in the bedroom. Being vocal, moaning and panting all tap into a primal desire which helps to ramp up every encounter.

Fantasies aren’t a replacement

Men are often worried they will be shamed for their sexual fantasies, and this can lead to a double sex life. They stick to the bedroom script with their partner and then save their fantasies for their alone time. Being able to be yourself in the bedroom is essential, which means it has to be a no judgement zone.

You might have to coax your partner’s fantasy from him, but he’ll appreciate it once it’s out in the open. You never know, it could be something that sparks your curiosity. While you shouldn't feel pressured to try anything you don’t want to try, being open to new possibilities is a huge turn on (I recommend browsing these range of luxury sex toys!)

And while we’re on the topic of fantasies, men want to know what your fantasies are too. If you can accept their fantasies without judgement then you can expect the same treatment in return. Sharing your fantasies together is one way to keep the spark alive and make sure you don’t get bogged down with vanilla sex.

Men want to be touched

Men aren’t as two dimensional as you might think in the bedroom. They enjoy the foreplay and they want to be touched. Men also have many erogenous zones which will help to heighten enjoyment. Finding a way to turn exploration into a game is one way to discover what your partner loves. Places such as Pleasure Delights stock board games that will encourage you to explore each other’s bodies to find out what makes you tick. And if you’re not sure what your partner likes, just ask. They will be more than willing to give you some pointers about what turns them on and what they want more of.

Adult sites aren't a huge deal

Men watch adult movies. And they don’t think it’s a huge deal. A healthy sex life involves being free to indulge your fantasies, and sometimes watching adult movies is the easiest way to do this. Women often get hang ups about adult themed movies because they worry that it is unrealistic and sets difficult to obtain body standards. Using adult sites is a popular reason that couples seek counselling, often because one of them feels like the other is “cheating” by watching these sites.

While it’s difficult not to take it personally, there are ways you can make his interest in this type of stuff work for you. Try watching movies with your partner to find out what turns him on. You can also use this time to express to him what turns you off about certain types of movies. This allows you both to be open and honest about what you want in the bedroom. Adult movies can be a great divide in your relationship, or it can be something that brings you together.

Sometimes sex is just sex

Men are often accused of being insatiable in the bedroom. But women need to turn this thinking on its head. With so much happening in the world, having a place where you can go and switch off and be completely in sync with another person is actually quite beautiful.

Not every encounter can be a candlelit fantasy right out of a romance novel. Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes it can just happen in the morning, before you’ve had a chance to brush your teeth. Sometimes there is something romantic to a quickie in the kitchen. Men don’t want or need every encounter to be an orchestrated event, and sometimes the spontaneity takes the pressure off.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Men like the chase. When you’re in a long term relationship, it can be hard to bring back that initial spark. But keeping it alive is essential for many men. So while you might decide to be physically committed, you can give each the green light to lead a separate sex life that doesn’t betray your partner.

This might sound like an impossible scenario, but it could be as simple as your partner giving you some time alone with your vibrator, or you giving him the green light to watch adult related movies. Noticing other people is often seen as a red flag, but as long as you remain committed, this little bit of distance can help to keep the spark alive in your relationship. By allowing eyes to wander either to strangers on the street or in adult movies, you give your partner something to look forward to when they come back to you. It can make every encounter feel new and replicate the spark you had when you first met. 

Stuart Brown
Doctor of Sexual Health at the NHS Royal London Hospital & Relationship Expert. Columnist at An advocate of safe sex. Avid Arsenal fan.

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