Sex education has been a standard part of schools’ curriculum for decades. The way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STIs is best delivered before puberty takes place (or in the early stages) so children understand the risks and how to negate them. We’re not suggesting children in Reception, but Year 5 onwards is perfectly reasonable. What do they learn? Amongst other things, sex education details the process of puberty for boys and girls:
Boys – pubic hair, facial hair, deepening voice, more frequent penile erections.
Girls – periods, breast growth, pubic hair.
So it’s been pretty straightforward so far and definitely worth the uncomfortable giggling in the room as the poor science teacher does her best to impart knowledge. But we have an ever-changing landscape now which includes gender-reassignment and gender non-conforming people. It’s no longer as simple as ‘boys go through this and girls go through that’ because there are so many people who don’t fall neatly into one category or other, although it’s worth pointing out that unless altered by surgery, males have one body and females another – essential to take into account when using contraception, for example.
Only around 5% of LGBTQUIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Trans, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, Asexual) people have ever had sex education tailored to their specific, sexual situation because of this only male/female recognition when it comes to learning about sex. Happily, that is now changing and diversity in this area is being welcomed with open arms. But in case you’ve missed the changeover, there are some things that as anLGBTQUIA person you might want to think about, or be aware of. You might be worried about your body and not feel comfortable with it either yourself, or that others won’t like/accept it. Or maybe you’re unsure of the STI/pregnancy risks with come along with certain sexual acts. Or it might just be a yearning to make sex even more pleasurable than before. All reasonable points, of course, because there are generally a lot of important questions around sex, pleasure and health. If you’re a new kid on the block, or you’re facing uncertainties or worries, here are some ideas to get you started:
- Get to know your own body. This should be an absolute priority and especially so if you’ve gone through reassignment surgery. There’s an old adage that if you don’t know what turns you on, then you can’t expect someone else to – and it’s so true! Body ‘mapping’ is a great idea, just exploring it and becoming familiar with the sensations and which ones you like best. Masturbation is always a good one, and especially for those who have significantly changed their bodies because it can be a very body-affirming thing.
- Try submersing yourself in sex for a while. Simulate different areas of your body, even if they haven’t appealed to you in the past – you never know now! Watch sexual content (porn, basically), try erotic dancing, find out what sex means to YOU.
And then we come to the safety side of things. Regardless of your gender and that of your partner, it’s vital to stay up to date with regular STI screening, medications used and the vaccines offered. You can be vaccinated against Hep B, Hep A and HPV. This last one was only used for females initially, but the advice has changed and now it’s recommended that everyone between the ages of 11-26 years old has it.
PrEP.
This is a particularly important thing to consider. In society these days, being HIV positive still carries a stigma and for many, contracting it makes them automatically think they’ve been handed a death sentence. But that just isn’t the case necessarily now, in our advanced medical age. PrEP for example is a medication that you can take as an HIV negative person to protect yourself if you’re having sexual interaction with someone who is HIV positive. There are certain guidelines where this is recommended:
- For those who don’t typically use barrier methods of contraception.
- Those who engage in sexual behaviour with someone who they know is HIV positive.
- Those who have had any STI in the last month.
- Those who are likely to be sharing needles, or other drug-associated paraphernalia.
Contraceptive issues remain the same. Pregnancy is only a risk between those people who have the anatomy for it and that won’t change. If you’re unsure about which contraception is best for you, then visit your local sexual health centre or speak to your GP, who will be able to run through the options with you. It’s essential to use barrier methods properly and safely, whether that’s a male condom, female condom or a dental dam. All of these have very high success rates – when used correctly. Again, a sexual health nurse or doctor will be able to show you if you’re not sure how they work.
Consent and communication.
Yes, that sounds both very familiar and straightforward, but it’s essential to be clear on these things from the word go. And especially so for those who have undergone gender reassignment surgery, meaning that certain sexual acts might now be possible than they were before. In this situation a partner needs to be very careful about what consent is there and for what. It’s possible to be taken by surprise and suddenly not be comfortable with something that you’ve previously enjoyed. Consent is needed for anything, even kissing, and even if something happens during sex that you don’t like, it isn’t a one time thing, it’s an ongoing one.
To make the experience as good as possible for you and your partner, make sure that there’s effective communication about where and how you like to be touched and where they do, make sure that you’re using their preferred pronouns and that you’re both on the same page when it comes to safe sex. If the intention is to take drugs or drink alcohol, or both, then it’s definitely worth having a conversation about intentions and consent before anything else happens. It doesn’t mean that you can’t indulge, it’s just an extra safety measure as far as consent and communication goes.
