So you’re super confident that you know how to please a woman? Confidence is great! But not when it’s misplaced. Even if you are a woman, it doesn’t always follow that she’ll like what you like, that’s just how it is. People get ideas about sex from all sorts of places - personal experience, books, YouTube videos (joking), porn, adult magazines, talking with friends/family, chatting on online forums, there’s a whole host of ways out there that sexual identities and preferences are formed – and those play a fundamental part of how we think other people are sexually pleased. If you take porn, for example, that’s a dangerous way to acquaint yourself with the world of sex entirely. Viewers who rely mainly on porn for sexual satisfaction often assume that every woman wants to be stripped naked and tied to the bedposts then teased with a vibrator in the five seconds it takes for them to reach the crescendo of orgasm. Er – NO. That’s not going to be standard procedure for every woman. And sticking to tried and tested methods to bring your partner to climax is all very well, but it gets boring, especially if you’re not quite on the right lines. Close, but no cigar, as they say. If you want empirical evidence that men and women are sexually different creatures, a study of 500 sexually mature and active adults has shown that 95% of men will usually or always orgasm during sex, but only 65% of women have the same success rate. No-one is going to be a complete expert, but if you’re feeling like you need some guidance, then you’ll find the following 5 things that women actually want in bed to be quite informative! And probably very different from what you’ve been thinking.
- 1.Don’t forget the flirting. This is so important, because it builds up not only intimacy, but also anticipation. It lets your partner know that you’re both thinking along the same lines – and leaves them curiously turned-on…...what more is there to come? Direct physical sexual stimulation is all very well, but finding true satisfaction all depends on the groundwork. So even if it’s just a couple of little flirty text messages during the day, or maybe some suggestive ways to show your partner that you’re already anticipating bedtime, these will always promote emotional bonding so you feel more intimate with your partner before you’ve even reached the bedroom.
- 2.Eye contact. What, now? Oh yes, eye contact is definitely a ‘thing’. Looking deep into someone’s eyes during sex is a clear message that they are definitely finding you a turn-on, and that they want to see the pleasure played out across your face, that you care about their arousal just as much as you care about your own. Sustained eye contact during sex is very, very hot.
- 3.Teasing. Drawing out the pleasure and gradually building it and building it until it’s an uncontrollable force is definitely something women want. It doesn’t matter whether it’s words, touch, gentle suggestiveness, prolonging the anticipation is all it takes to ramp up the sexual tension and make the end as explosive as possible…..who doesn’t want that?
- 4.Engaging in sex, showing interest during it is wildly erotic for most people, and especially for women. There are too many men out there (wildly generalising) who think they’ve got the whole shebang (no pun intended) worked out and don’t think any other engagement is necessary. But oh no, even just asking “Do you like this?”, or “Is this the right spot?” shows your partner that you care about their pleasure and actively looking for ways to specifically please her. Don’t go to the other extreme though and not do anything unless directly asked, because that can be a real turn-off. The sexual excitement comes from the dual moves of being confident in bed and also listening to what she likes to be done best.
- 5.Trying out a variety of positions. You’ve got the safe one – missionary – but sticking religiously to that is a baaaaad idea and the ideal way for your partner to be bored. Seriously. Changing it up so you’re trying different positions means that the type of stimulation changes; the on all fours position and the girl on top one are going to feel very different for women, for example, because different areas are being touched. But use your imagination, try out things you might have seen or heard about, invest in a copy of the Karma Sutra, that should keep you busy!
Showing that you care about the other person’s pleasure is the basis for good sex, regardless of position or sex toys or whatever. Women need to know that they’re thought more of than just being taken to the bedroom with no word of warning and teasing, flirting, gentle touching, kissing, are all fab ways to show her that you’re invested in this experience. And feeling so emotionally and sexually close to your partner is definitely going to make that sometimes elusive magic happen.