In most relationships, sex for the first time is a pivotal moment. It’s moving the boundaries, upping the stakes, taking your relationship to the next level. It’s the start of a whole different type of relationship. But that said, sex is about what you make it. You don’t have to carry on if you change your mind, you don’t need to do it ever again if you don’t want to. But it’s a valuable, rewarding part of a relationship, a unique way of connecting with your partner and there are other benefits too. There’s no rush, you should wait until you’re really ready. There’s no ‘right’ point in the relationship when you ‘should’ have done it.
So it’s kind of a big deal but it’s also nothing to feel overwhelmed about, there’s no need for it to be an awkward fumble between the sheets. Your first time can be both pleasurable and fun and you can remember it for all the right reasons. So, you think you’re ready? Here are ten top tips to help make sure that your first time is as good as it gets.
- Firstly, and most importantly, are you ready? There’s no set of criteria that you have to meet, it’s all down to the individual and how they feel. Ask yourself:
- Is it you who wants to do it?
- Are you only doing it for your partner?
- Is it a case that all of your friends are doing it and the social pressure is getting to you?
- Are you doing it just so you don’t feel left out?
A key question is how the idea of sex makes you feel. Worried or excited? This is a big clue as to whether you’re ready or not.
2.Once you’ve established that this is something that you both want to do, it’s absolutely crucial that you plan contraception seriously. It’s a myth that you can’t get pregnant the first time, it’s a myth that you can’t get pregnant if your partner pulls out before orgasm and it’s a myth that if you stand up quickly you can’t get pregnant. It’s vital that you take proper precautions from the word go. Condoms are the only method of contraception which protect against STIs too. So your watchword should be ‘prepare’, in fact: ‘prepare, prepare and prepare again’. Learn about condoms and how to use them and if you need more information, or you aren’t sure what you should pick, go and talk to a health professional. A GP can advise but a sexual health clinic is probably your best bet because they deal with exactly this type of issue day in, day out. And remember – condoms can actually boost your sexual pleasure as well as protecting you.
3.It’s a good idea to get to know your own body before you have sex: what you like, what turns you on, how you like to be touched, when and where. Masturbation beforehand is a great way to discover all of these and it’s a totally normal, pleasurable part of your sex life. In fact, mutual masturbation can be a very erotic experience as well.
4.Choose the right time and the right place. This doesn’t mean waiting until your parents are out and snatching the opportunity whilst the house is empty (unless that’s what you want!). The right time and place is somewhere you won’t be disturbed, somewhere that allows you both to relax first. It doesn’t have to be a bed strewn with roses with candles dotted about, just whatever works for you and your partner – somewhere you are both happy about and feels right for you.
5.It shouldn’t hurt, but your first time might be a bit uncomfortable as your body is doing something it’s not used to. The trick is to be really relaxed and get properly in the mood, use lube and indulge in lots of foreplay. Listen to your body, if you feel sore, uncomfortable or painful, then it might be too much or too soon. Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t worry if you don’t orgasm – that’s perfectly normal and especially for your first time. It can take a little while to get ‘into’ sex. Enjoy being with your partner and just enjoy the sensations that they are giving you. There’s plenty of time for fireworks in the future.
6.Try not to build it up. It probably won’t be perfect and you probably won’t enjoy it as much as you go to. It might be awkward – your body is doing something brand new and so are you. Everyone’s body responds differently and you can always have a giggle about it to diffuse any tension or embarrassment.
7.Take your time. Remember – fools rush in! Go as slow as you like and it’s fine to experiment along the way if that’s what you want to do. Just remember that sex in real life is not the same as the porn that is easily accessible in today’s society. Focus on exploring each other’s bodies and having the sex that you both want to.
8.Indulging in sex talk is a good way to communicate with your partner during the act. It doesn’t have to be sexual, even just words like ‘yes’, ‘softer’, ‘harder’, ‘don’t wait’ can boost the mood. Listen for sounds from your partner to judge whether they are enjoying it.
9.Sex is normally an integral part of a relationship. Speak openly with your partner about what it means for you and your relationship.
And finally, hopefully you will enjoy having sex and go on to enjoy it more and more. But remember that you can stop at any point, any time if you don’t want to carry on. Once you’ve started to have sex, it doesn’t mean that you have to finish and that’s something that your partner needs to understand and respect.
