Going through a relationship break-up can be a hard, horrible experience that leaves you scarred. Not every single one of course, if you’re been seeing someone casually for a few weeks and then end things you’ll probably barely notice that their toothbrush has left the bathroom. But if you’ve been in a long term marriage for years with three children and a family home, then coming to terms with the end of all that is often a horrible, distressing experience that can knock you sideways. But 9 times out of 10 you will recover. You will find yourself picking the pieces back up and shaping them into something unfamiliar but just a little bit easier than having nothing at all. It’s vital that you take your time to get over your previous relationship, rushing into dating again is just a recipe for disaster and unhappiness – the exact things that you want to leave behind! But when the days seem lighter and easier again, and you’re not struggling to leave your bed each morning, then thinking about dating can give you a mental boost that might just nudge you a bit further down the path of emotional recovery. If this sounds like you but you maybe aren’t sure, then have a read through of some of the signs that you’re ready to date again.
- 1.You’re no longer counting the days/weeks of how long it’s been since the world as you knew it shifted on its axis. It’s perfectly normal to mourn the end of a relationship by mentally ticking off week one, week two, week seven, etc., but it’s probably not going to be conducive to moving forwards. So if the numbers are still occupying your mind then give dating a swerve for the moment. But if you genuinely can’t remember the anniversary of the death of your relationship, then it might be time to move forwards.
- 2.You’re missing intimacy. Not just sex (although that’s a good sign!), but the emotional comfort that you get from sharing your day with someone who cares who isn’t your mother, deciding together what to cook for supper rather than just picking a lonely microwave meal and plonking yourself on the sofa for the night in front of Google Box.
- 3.You’re starting to notice people. Grief from the death of a relationship blinds us to those around us, no matter however stunningly attractive they might be. Our entire minds are consumed by the one we’re no longer with and you don’t even have a radar for anyone new, never mind finding someone to cross it. But when you start noticing that attractive people do exist and not only that but pique your interest as well, then it might be time to pick up those dating reins again and jump back in.
- 4.You’re envious of friends in long term relationships. Having happy couples under your nose when you’re no longer part of one can sting terribly and quite possibly be too painful to contemplate. You might even find yourself avoiding friends in this situation because it’s just too much. But when you realise that actually, it isn’t sticking knives through you any more, and you’re actually slightly jealous of what they have, then it could well be a sign that a new partner isn’t so far away after all.
- 5.Your children/friends/family are nagging you to date. It’s easy to wallow in the depths of misery caused by a relationship break up and hard to struggle out of them. But if you notice that those close to you are starting to drop heavy hints about moving on then it might be time to climb out of your Bridget Jones pyjamas and invest in your appearance again.
- 6.Dating apps are intriguing you. Since the likes of Tinder, Bumble and Grindr flew onto the dating scene it’s never been easier to swipe, click and register your interest in potential partners through the power of your smartphone. In fact, it’s probably fair to say that the vast majority of new couples meet through dating apps rather than the old, traditional methods of happening across one another in a bar or going on kindly meant blind dates by friends and especially when COVID has confined us to our own four walls for what seems like years. Chatting to people online has been a lifeline for many. So if you’re curious about who might be out there and you find yourself wondering if there might be someone for you after all, then sign up, download and get started! You don’t even have to go straight for a romantic relationship either, there are plenty of people out there who just want plain, old-fashioned friendship.
- 7.You’re an eager beaver to get back to the gym. Personal appearance is something which demonstrates how happy or otherwise we are with ourselves. Coming out of a painful break up often strips people of their desire to look good. There’s no one to make the effort for, after all, so why bother? Again, totally normal in those sorts of circumstances. But if you find yourself reaching for the gym membership forms and thinking that maybe you’d like to be a little bit toned, then have a think about whether you might be interested in having your appearance appreciated by someone once again.
- 8.Contraception crosses your mind. Contraception in established relationships looks very different to contraception when you’re starting anew. If you’re going to be having sex with new people, then condoms are a must for preventing STIs – however old you are. You might be past the age of pregnancy, but you won’t be past the age of HIV and syphilis.
There are no hard and fast rules about when, how and who you date, it’s totally in your hands. But don’t forget to look up occasionally from any misery and just glance at yourself in the mirror – you might just find someone who’s ready to move on staring back at you.
