10 Tips to Revive a Stale Sex Life

10 Tips to Revive a Stale Sex Life

It’s a well-known fact that nothing lasts forever, good or bad. And unfortunately that includes the mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex usually found at the beginning of the relationship, before life gets in the way. There really is a change from the early relationship to later on, and it can often mature with age, like a good Port. But sometimes it can lead to frustration, and this is when you need to take the reins back and say – hey, this isn’t what I want, let’s try and change it.

There’s nothing to say that you can’t re-kindle the flame if you want to, it just might take more work. Especially if you’re constantly flitting between the demands of family life – children, school runs, working, general chaos, all of these will take a toll on your sex life. If this sounds like something you recognise, then it might be time to sit back, take stock and think of new ways to get your old groove back on. Here are ten, tried and tested, tips for doing exactly that!

  • 1.Introduce some newcomers to the bedroom. No, not threesomes or other multiples, we’re talking about sex toys here. If you’ve never experimented with any of these then you can certainly while away a few hours checking out what’s available. Gone are the days of disguises and slipping stealthily into a sex shop when the street is deserted, we are well and truly into the modern era now, with anything that you can’t get online isn’t worth having.
  • 2.Find some mutual kinks. If you’ve drifted apart then you might be missing out on things that would really turn up the heat for your partner, and ditto him with you. Open a bottle of wine, sit down and relax and bring the subject up. How many will you get through before you find something equally arousing for both…..? Don’t let this communication get stilted or awkward or uncomfortable though, watch your partner closely and if they seem to be struggling a bit with this depth of disclosure then maybe leave it for another day. There’s nothing wrong with taking this in stages, it could even make the process more exciting, there’s lots of fun promised here!
  • 3.No pressure. This one is really important, because pressure can often have the opposite effect and make relations between you awkward. For men it can mean struggling to maintain an erection – every man’s nightmare – and for both of you it can make sex far less enjoyable. So – don’t schedule in sex, you know, like ‘OK, we’ll do it every Thursday night without fail – try and be spontaneous where you can. Also, capitalise on when you know your partner is going to be more susceptible to arousal, e.g. first thing in the morning/during the evening/last thing at night. If you’re building on some excitement already there, then this whole process is going to go more smoothly.
  • 4.Keep up with the stamina! Your libido, enjoying sexual intercourse and stamina can always fluctuate and especially with age. But it’s also perfectly normal to not have the best stamina, the advice here is just to try and relax. There are some tips to help prevent premature ejaculation: taking it slowly, stopping whatever is going on to take a breather and there are also condoms designed for this, they’re slightly thicker than the standard ones so your sensation is reduced.
  • 5.Don’t forget to flirt! Too many people find themselves in a long term relationship where sex with your partner is very much a given and you know you don’t need to make a massive effort to have sex with them. Wrong! Touching, flirting, sexy text messages during the day will all build anticipation which in turn will ramp up the sexual tension before you’ve even got to the bedroom!
  • 6.Plan a sexual staycation. There’s the good, old adage – ‘dirty weekend away’, but there’s no need to spend £100s on a romantic getaway, staying closer to home is just as fun. And especially with the advent of Air B’n’B giving you plenty of choices about your accommodation. So why not plan your sexual staycation and break the mold?
  • 7.Getting more kinky here – you can always try your hand at role play. If you’re a bit shy, or lack confidence, in the bedroom then this probably isn’t the one to leap for. But there’s no reason that you can’t build up to it over time; imagine those Aidan Turner Poldark fantasies coming to life…..
  • 8.Practise ‘edging’. If you’re not familiar with what this is, edging means building up to orgasm over a period of time, and getting yourself to the brink of orgasm repeatedly, but not allowing the final climax to happen. Think about it as on a scale: 1-3 means not thinking about sex at all, 4-6 means that it’s definitely on your mind, 6-8 means that you’re really turned on and 9-10 is the ultimate in pleasure. So by getting yourself close to 8/9 and then pulling back will intensify your eventual orgasm.
  • 9.Try watching porn together. It doesn’t have to be seedy stuff, there’s plenty of amateur action out there that will do the trick. But again, you might have to build up to this one if neither of you are particularly sure it will be good. If your self-image is low then it might be best to give this one a miss for a while until you learn to have confidence in your sexual self.
  • 10.If you use condoms, then check out some new ones to try. You can get numbing, tingling, lubricated, rubbed, dotted, glow-in-the-dark and flavoured ones – take your pick!

So, if your sex life has taken a bit of a downturn, then trying out a few of these tips might just help you get more action between the sheets!

Stuart Brown
Doctor of Sexual Health at the NHS Royal London Hospital & Relationship Expert. Columnist at An advocate of safe sex. Avid Arsenal fan.

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